


Covet

by henghost



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: F/F, Light BDSM, Occult, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-02-26 02:12:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18714409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/henghost/pseuds/henghost
Summary: Lisa might've gone off the deep end, but is Chaeyoung too smitten to notice?





	1. The Second Commandment

_ I slept with faith and found a corpse in my arms on awakening; I drank and danced all night with doubt and found her a virgin in the morning. _

-Aleister Crowley

 

It’s strange how a crush blinds you. It’s like in cartoons when someone has little pink hearts over their eyes, and their cheeks get red slash-marks on them, and they either drool or bubbles come out of their mouth. Thank God it’s not that obvious in real life (I hope). 

I don’t even realize it when I’m in Lisa’s presence. But when I’m alone and the narcotic effect of being in her presence wears off, I have horrible  _ Hangover _ -type flashbacks of what happened. She could tell me to murder someone, and I’d say, “Of course, Lisa. Anything for you.” 

It’s important that you understand my basic incompetence in dealing with her so that you aren’t totally appalled at my naivete later on.

I remember when I first realized something might be wrong with her. It was after a concert and I went to her dressing room, which I have a habit of doing-- seeing her in the revealing stage outfits but also having her all to myself is just too appealing to pass up. She was glowing with sweat, and that’s guaranteed to turn me on. The smell of her is wired directly to the pleasure centers in my brain, I think, maybe an after-effect of masturbating with discarded clothing items of hers pressed to my nose for so long. 

It’s possible I’m coming across as sex-crazed or perverted or lecherous, but you can’t have any idea what it’s like. You can’t know what it does to you to be helplessly in love with someone, and then have to live with that person, work with that person, be next to that person 24/7, with the threat of being fired and literally kicked out of the country if you were to act on any of those constant urges to kiss/sleep with/run your tongue along every part of that person.

Anyway, in the dressing room, Lisa looked a little disheveled. I don’t mean post-concert exhaustion, I mean wide eyes, running mascara, manic fidgeting. 

“You’re Christian, right, Rosie?” she asked. “Or your parents are?”

“Um, yeah. Yeah, I always go to church with my parents when I’m with them.” I said, dazed.

“Do you ever think about the, like, religious implications of what we do?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, isn’t that the second commandment? Thou shalt not covet false idols, or something? That’s what we are, if you think about it: false idols.”

“Totally.” (I may have mentioned how totally unable I am to think straight-- ha ha-- around her.)

“Like, we just have so much power. So much untapped power. I mean, it’s weird to think about, but imagine how many people would literally be willing to die for us. To  _ kill  _ for us.”

“It’s crazy.”

“How many people  _ fantasize  _ about us when they, you know…”

“Insane.”

“Think about what I could get one of our fans to do, for example, if I walked up to them and did… this.”

She faced me with those piercing dark eyes and got really close to me, her chest touching mine, and there’s no way she couldn’t feel the jackhammer of my heart or hear the panting I tried to stifle. Then she took her hand and pressed it against my crotch and smiled right in my face. Recalling this, I can feel the regret like a cold knife. Why didn’t I kiss her right then? Why didn’t I grab her face and put my lips against it and tear her clothes off and rub myself all over her?

Instead I stammered, “Y-you could probably get them to do anything.” I’m sure she could feel me swell under her hand, feel the rush of heat-- they were thin latex shorts and I wasn’t wearing anything beneath them. 

“I know,” she said. 

***

I can’t tell you how much I replayed that event in the following days and weeks. It was in my head while I tried to fall asleep, in my dreams, in the morning, while we practiced, etc. It got to the point where Jisoo yelled at me for always hogging the shower, if you see what I’m saying. 

Lisa never said anything about it. She seemed, well, normal. The manic pseudo-religious ranting was a one-time thing, apparently, and if you think  _ I  _ brought it up to  _ her _ , then you’ve severely overestimated my confidence. Dancing and singing in front hundreds of thousands of people is childsplay, talking to Lisa about my feelings for her, on the other hand, is like a million horror movies in one. 

Truly, it was impossible to tell if she remembered that night in the dressing room at all. She laughed and joked with the other members like always, danced like a fiend, tugged at her perfect bangs-- normal Lisa. 

That is until the second time I realized something might be wrong with her. 

We were in New York and the heat and humidity of early spring cascaded down off the skyscrapers like a wave We were exhausted from jetlag and the crushing workload that accompanies a world-tour. Only Jennie was having a good time-- she got to go on a shopping spree in the fashion capital of the world.

Which is all to say I was desperate for any relief. So that night in the hotel, I crept barefoot from my room to hers and knocked on the door. 

“Come in,” she yelled from inside. “It’s open.”

So I went in and found Lisa nude, spread across her bed, shining with exertion, a piece of paper in her left hand, and her right hand slipping in and out of her. 

“Lisa, what…” I tried to say.

“Sorry, I was just in the middle of something. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

I couldn’t stop the moisture building up between my thighs. I’d seen her naked before, on rare, blessed occasions, but this was something different, a paradigm shift. I would say she looked angelic, but there was something sinful about how her ribs jutted out of her lithe body, how her red lips formed a perfect circle.

“What, uh, what were you in the middle of?” I managed to get out. 

“I read it in this book I got. It’s a sigil,” she handed the piece of paper to me, and parts of it were damp. She’d drawn a smattering of crude symbols, runes or something.

“A sigil?”

“Yeah. It’s like a ritual. You can imbue something with magical power by masturbating over it, transferring your energy.”

“Wow. Well, I’m sorry for walking in on you like that.”

“You’re cute, Rosie. You didn’t walk in on me, I called you in remember? Plus, I know you wanted to see this.”

“I, uh…”

“Don’t worry about it. I need your help with something.”

“Of course, Lisa. Anything for you.”


	2. Corinthians 6:18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lisa performs a ritual that involves Chaeyoung's life-force.

“Okay, so first I need to explain some things,” Lisa said.

“Right.”

“Okay, basically you have to understand that everyone contains energy. Some people call it ‘orgone energy,’ the Chinese call it Qi. Life-force. Women, especially, have a lot of it. Which makes sense, if you think about it-- we have to bear children, we have organs connected to the rotation of the moon, and so on. And we  _ expend  _ it every so often. Kind of in the same way mushrooms release spores. When we die, when we’re born, when we have an orgasm.”

“Um, okay.”

“Right, so this is where you come in.”

***

Interstitial background information:

It wasn’t love at first sight for me with Lisa. It grew on me like something invasive. Watching her body move in the sauna the dance studio becomes after six hours of nonstop dancing, it’s hypnotic, and I let myself be mesmerized. They weren’t explicitly sexual at first, my thoughts. Sort of more abstract than that-- she was a painting that had to be interpreted with thoughtful, conscious effort.

As we moved closer to the debut, though, it got tougher to be around her. My hands sweated when she spoke, my heart jumped into my throat when she touched me. I couldn’t keep the fantasies at bay. She’d pop up in my head, nude and shining and running her hands across my skin, always at the most inopportune moments. I’d daydream in class (God, I was so young).

Again, call me a prurient, hormone-infused, fawning child all you want, but it’s just an impossible situation. I didn’t trust anyone with the knowledge that I was having  _ thoughts  _ about a girl. I didn’t trust myself. Plus also, I was a teenager, and she had the room right next to mine in our tiny dorm (which had very thin walls), and I could hear her disrobe every night with little feminine grunts that drove me wild, so it’s wrong to say I could control my feelings or compartmentalize them away. She’s always been right in my face.

I remember one time she was under duress, something about a disagreement with a manager, and so she asked to talk to me. Alone. To which my response was to gulp down air and follow her every direction without a word-- nothing’s changed, really. She took me to her bedroom, and it was all I could do to not jump on her right then, for the smell of her was all around me, tossed-aside undergarments littered the hardwood floor. Then, to make things worse, she lied on her little bed and said, “Come here, Rosie. Lie down next to me.” And I swear I almost died when I, of course, obeyed her orders. Her long slender arms touched my  _ skin _ , and I was racked with unbearable heat. I was so focused on controlling my breathing that I couldn’t hear a word she said. And since I couldn’t masturbate in my bedroom afterward-- there’s no way she wouldn’t hear me-- I had to creep to the communal bathroom in the middle of the night and pray no one interrupted me.

I’ll admit, I could’ve handled all this better. I could’ve, for instance, told someone, anyone about it. Could’ve confessed to Lisa, damn the consequences. But I’ve never been anything if not a coward. And as a result, the frustration came out of me in unexpected ways, at least before I learned how to manage it, i.e., before I learned that no one could hear me touch myself while the shower ran. I started to snap at people, so much that Jisoo, ever the perceptive sister, asked me if someone had, like, died in my family. I snapped at Lisa, even, which I realize is pretty cliche-- I know what  _ tsundere  _ means.

I think I was depressed, looking back on it. Maybe I still am.

Anyway, all of this is to help explain why I was so desperate to do anything to please her, anything at all. After all, if I could help her achieve her goal then maybe this awkward past could be forgotten, and I could finally be happy.

 

***

“Um, maybe you could just explain to me again.”

“Oh, Rosie, you’ve always had trouble paying attention. This is just the most efficient way to harvest your energy.”

“Why does it have to be my energy, though? And why do you need it, the energy? I’m not complaining, by the way.”

“Because I need to do the ritual. And you’re the one who wants this the most.”

“And so you’re going to...”

“I’m going to tie you down and hook you up to a vibrator for an hour.”

“Uh...” I whimpered.

I pinched myself when Lisa wasn’t looking. It didn’t feel like an appropriate time to mention that I’d seen this porno before, or that I’d had fantasies about exactly this situation. But, despite that, I was scared. I was, in fact, terrified out of my mind, and not like butterflies in my stomach, more like long, poisonous worms and armies of maggots. I didn’t even realize she’d said I was the one who wanted it most.

“So… take off your pants, I guess,” Lisa said, her tone like she was telling me what she wanted for dinner. It’s not like I could disobey. “And, in order for this to work, you have to be thinking about me. Like worshipping me.”

“I can do that.” It felt like I was the protagonist at the end of an action movie who has to face a terrible fate with grace, whose face is placid as they walk into the jaws of the lion. So I peeled off my jeans, and Lisa produced a phallic, twitching object from somewhere I couldn’t see. Then, from her Gucci handbag, she pulled out thick black ropes. I swallowed. My skin sparked where she touched it, and I felt like I might pass out at any moment. I wanted to cover myself, not because I was uncomfortable being exposed, but because I was terrified she would find the smell of me ugly. 

The ropes dug into my flesh, but I could barely feel them. I pushed against them and found that I, indeed, couldn’t move at all. Then she she put it against me.

I won’t go into detail about the next hour. I’ll just say it was immensely pleasurable, as you might expect. Lisa above me, grinning with her wide, wide mouth. I think she burst into a cackle at one point, though I was doubled over with pleasure and it was thus difficult to tell. I can say, also, that it was easy, maybe too easy, to think of Lisa as a goddess in my mind.

When the time was up, I was too exhausted to stand, so I said, “Lisa, will you, um, lie down with me?” 

“Sure, Rosie. You did good.”

“I envy our fans. They get to give in to ‘idol worship,’ with no guilt.”

“Do you feel guilty, Rosie?”

“I, uh, I guess we just have to be careful.”

“I’m not a very careful girl.”

I slept in her bed with her arms around me.


	3. Revelation 6:8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lisa receives the fruits of her labor.

So I guess this is the part you’ve been waiting for, really the part that makes any of this important. 

When I woke up it was still dark. Lisa’s slender arms were wrapped around me, and my mind was blank and clear. Before, this situation, our tangled bodies, would’ve made me sweat like a pig, but now it felt right, like it’d all been leading up to this. Maybe magic was real.

Lisa was awake, too. 

“I’m not sure you’re ready for what’s next, Rosie,” she said.

“Well, if it’s anything like what we just did then I can’t wait.”

“You have no idea. I can feel it already, the power. It’s like my body’s a river connected to the ocean, the vast ocean of omnipotence.”

“You’re strange, Lisa. How come I’ve never seen this side of you before?”

“We’ve never slept together before.”

“Good point.”

I felt drunk. I mean, I’d never been drunk before, but this is what it would feel like, I imagined. Like not happiness or sadness or anxiety, only contentment. The feeling that nothing existed outside this bed.

“But, really, Lisa. We have to keep this a secret.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about it.”

How could I have been so blind?

***

We had a concert in Atlanta the following day, but I couldn’t really focus on it, as you might expect. I spent the afternoon wandering through the sweltering city, completely dazed and without direction. The sky moved up above me like a conveyor belt.

Maybe she really had taken my soul after all. I felt soulless. It was like the fuel in the engine that kept me running was entirely constituted of desire for Lisa, and now without it, the little gears and vital functions were grinding to a halt. I think it’s something we undervalue, the level to which sexuality factors into our daily lives, drives us. Mine had been tread on, repressed, and then stolen from me by some succubus. What was left?

When the time came for our concert, they had to put so much makeup on me that I saw a clown in the mirror-- just so I’d look awake. 

“Where have you been, Chaeyoung?” Jisoo asked, always the maternal type. “You look kind of awful.”

“It’s not important. I’m just tired.”

Lisa giggled from across the room. “I thought you had more stamina, Rosie.”

I was too exhausted to retort.

We rose to the stage, each of us in a suffocating  _ Hunger Games  _ style glass elevator. Before, I’d’ve been trembling and biting my fingers as the roar of the crowd grew louder and louder in my ear, but now all I could think of was Lisa. Well, I would’ve been thinking of Lisa before, too, but not like this. I thought only of her the way a Buddhist monk can only think of Nirvana, the way an infant can only think of their mother.

I can recall this series of events in vivid detail, as I’ve been told is common in the lead-up to life-changing events. I can see Jennie, clad in white and gold, head adorned with long pigtails. I see Jisoo jumping up and down for the thousands of spectators. And I see Lisa, literally radiant, even without the spotlight on her. I can feel in my bones the vibrations of the music and the adoring screams. Lisa was right, I think, that they’d be willing to do anything for us, kill for us. Die.

“Is everyone excited?” Lisa yelled into the crowd. The lights above us flickered for an instant, and a wind whipped down through the top of the stadium. “I can’t hear you!”

And then the stage rumbled with the audience’s response, so much that I almost tripped. 

“I want you to lose your voice screaming tonight,” Lisa continued. “I want us to be the only thought in your head. I want you to worship us.” 

Jennie and Jisoo gave Lisa a puzzled look, but of course the crowd just screamed louder. I may have mentioned how wiped out I was, not that it’s an excuse, but maybe you’ll have some sympathy for me or at least will understand why I didn’t step in right then. 

We heard a sound like thunder above us, though rain wasn’t on the forecast. I remember thinking that all of them, the crowd, with their swinging pink lightsticks and the kind of ripple they created with their dancing made them look like one enormous organism. A precious, vulnerable living thing.

In the middle of one of our songs-- to this day I can’t remember which one-- Lisa didn’t perform her rap-section because she was cackling. The same cackle as when she’d been on top of me. That’s when I saw it: huge and black with leathery skin, floating above us all. When I say huge, that’s kind of hyperbole through understatement. It’s not worth using some kind of analogy or figurative language technique to describe how massive it was, because that would be totally pointless. There’s nothing on this earth that can even come close in terms of raw size. It stretched across my entire periphery, blotting out the sky in totality. I tried to scream but found I couldn’t. I was totally paralyzed. 

It collided with the roof of the stadium with a deafening crash, and I saw people, countless people, crushed under the weight. The last thing I can remember is being pulled to the ground by a stranger’s hand.

  
***

I came to with the sound of the TV blaring:

“ _... the confirmed death toll now sits at just above a thousand. Witness reports at this time are inconclusive as to the cause of this catastrophe. First responders…” _

“It was really on  _ that  _ channel,” came Jisoo’s voice. “God, that’s cliche. Turn it off, please. Oh, Chaeyoung, thank God you’re awake.” She came rushing over to me.

“I’m fine,” I said, and it was true. I didn’t feel any pain. If anything, I felt energized.

“They’ve got you on lots of painkillers.”

“What the hell…”

“It’s probably best if you don’t worry about it right now.  _ We’re  _ all fine. Jennie fractured her leg, but she’s fine. At least in comparison. We all got away in time.”

“Got away from what?”

“...”

“...”

“I’ll go get the doctor,” she said, then she ran out of the room.

I was in a hospital bed-- also cliche-- and hooked up to an IV. I pulled the needles out, because I truly felt fine. Machines beeped behind me.

Lisa came through the door, a bandage on her arm but otherwise unscathed. She grinned.

“Oh my God, Rosie,” she said in a low voice. “I can’t believe it worked.”

“You’re telling me that, whatever that was, was  _ you. _ ”

“I thought it was obvious.”

“They’re saying a thousand people--”

She put her finger to her lips, and I was powerless to disobey.

“Can you feel it?” 

I nodded. It was almost imperceptible, but it was there. A kind of electricity suffusing the air around us, emanating from her. 

“Watch this.” Lisa, in one smooth motion, leapt off the ground and stayed hanging in the air. My mouth opened. 

“It worked,” she said, still levitating.


End file.
